Halfway to oblivion

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This is a terrible thing to admit, but I think I’m starting to like this boy I’ve been speaking to. It’s stupid of me especially when I think he sees me as a friend. There’s no denying the absolute relief I felt when he messaged me out of the blue tonight however, after that conversation on Monday. He makes me laugh.

And I think it’s stupid because even if it does work out, I’ll like him even more and one day it’ll stop working out and I’ll be unhappy. Yet isn’t it better to be unhappy than to suffer from indifference? Stoicism destroys all tender feelings after all, and with it goes all beauty and kindness.

I can’t help being happy, though. I tried imagining being after any other boy and the thought of it made me ill. How am I still so easily affected by this sort of thing? I’m living a full, happy life right now, I am ‘brimful with happiness’, should I really have these sparks of intense feeling when it comes to someone else when my days are so filled?

I don’t know, I have a crush on this boy I’ve just spoken to and isn’t that just the definition of silly?

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